Tuesday, 21 June 2016

HYSTERECTOMY - 10 Reasons for and 10 reasons against

10 NOT SO GREAT reasons to have a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy

1) Major operation comes with all sorts of risks.
2) Meds to help can equal nasty side effects.
3) One being you can't shit for days - bring forth laxatives, stool softeners and suppositories and hope...
4) Trapped wind brought on by laxatives, stool softeners and suppositories can end up causing more grief on its mission to break free than the actual surgery - have you ever felt wind in your shoulder of all places?
5) Having to eat all manner of food stuffs to get the digestive system working again such as prunes and papaya causing yet more wind in a freakishly continually evolving catch 22 scenario.
6) Being observed for blood pressure, temperature and oxygen levels around the clock, which although a necessity is of course a tad annoying on the sleep front.
7) A bloody great scar.
8) Post operative blurred vision (this might have been down to the epidural rather than the anaesthetic, either way, it's getting better a bit too slowly for my liking).
9) Bed rest boredom. Although to be honest, I am toying with the idea that this is actually not a valid NOT SO GREAT reason at all, for I'm enjoying the rest immensely and am yet to be bored. (I know you're hearing me mothers of small children).
10) Watching the dust gather due to being unable to vacuum for weeks on end (actually, what am I thinking, this surely needs to go on the list of GREAT REASONS)?

10 GREAT reasons to have a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy

1) A bloody good rest - no vacuuming for weeks on end, no lifting food shopping etc.
2) Lots of chocolate, flowers and cards, and generally being spoiled, along with endless visitors and frivolous natters with friends.
3) A brand new designer vagina upgrade.
4) A tummy tuck.
5) An increase in energy levels.
6) No more periods. I said, no more periods!!!
7) Knowing that being asked 'So when is your baby due?' is finally done with. (You can read about that nugget here if you wish).
8) Being the proud owner of an efficient bladder once again, and therefore not needing to pee each and every five minutes. Ah.
9) No longer being out of breath or needing my inhaler anytime I walk anywhere with haste.
10) HRT -bringing forth a whole host of positivity from delaying signs of ageing to heightening ones libido (just as well I've got my brand new Venus huh?)

I seem to have found an abundance of humour along with increased levels of energy. Just want to say massive thanks to the amazing community I live in, and the brilliant friends and family that care - if ever there was reason to celebrate. This tongue in cheek piece does of course have much more serious overtones. Along with my tubes, uterus and ovaries, they also took my cervix, and yes, number 11 on the GREAT REASONS list is no more smears to contend with. However, a bigger positive of course for me, is removing the risk of all gynae cancer. On which note, I'd like to stress to all you lovely people reading this, that regular smear tests are essential, even if they are, well you know, a bit of a do. Thanks for all the positive words and shares. x