I choose life - A poem

Recently, I said to my husband Simon, 'I thought I was going to die.' He replied, 'I thought you were going to die.' In the midst of being desperately ill, I wrote this poem for my children. What began as a eulogy - in case I wasn't able to let my two beautiful daughters know some of the simple stuff about me - soon morphed into a mantra of positivity; as I shifted into believing this disease would not take me, I was going to live to tell them myself.

HOLD STILL

This picture captures life in lockdown with a mummy that is seriously sick. I couldn't get any closer to the girls and at this particular moment they both were so upset, I asked them to take comfort from each other.

Crystals and a crystal healing

In a bid to stay well and have energy for my upcoming trip to New York, I had a crystal healing, which left me feeling fantastic. It was really remarkable and put me into a deep state of relaxation. I can't help but feel it has left me in a much better place for travelling. Of course you have to be open to this very spiritual type of healing before going in for it. And I suppose I always was. As a child I was used to being visited by a spirit that sat on the end of my bed. It was an old lady. I was frightened and thought it was someone a bit like my great gran, but she was still alive at the time, so I never did figure it out... Then I saw a ghost when I was in my 20's. Had some very strange goings on in my 30's, nannying in a house that was clearly haunted. Plus had numerous other psychic stuff happen throughout my life.

Dear Visitors... hello 2019 update

Really great to update my Dear Visitors page from 2012, knowing that Motherhood eventually became me! Here's the additional intro:

The Little Guides to Great Lives Series - A book collection review

DETAILS:
Little Guides to Great Lives by Isabel Thomas
Released: 4 June 2018
Price: £8.99
Hardback, 190 x 150mm
For ages: 7-11
Featuring: Nelson Mandela
Amelia Earhart
Leonardo Da Vinci
Marie Curie
Frida Kahlo

The Little Guides to Great Lives series is a gorgeous collection of books for children, brought to you by the team at Laurenceking.com that will ignite aspiration and fire up imagination. Five books so far (with more in the pipeline) dedicated to the lives and works of all-inspiring greats such as Amelia Earhart, Nelson Mandela, Leonardo Da Vinci, Marie Curie and Frida Kahlo.

Written by Isabel Thomas, a prolific STEM writer for children, this brand new series of handy accessible guides, of course covers famous scientists, artists and revolutionaries and serves as an introduction to the most inspirational figures ever to have lived.

A joy to look at, touch and read, each of these books is beautifully depicted by a different illustrator, and covered in rich material reflecting the life of the person whose story it tells. From the moment you lay eyes on them, you know there is nothing ordinary about this collection. Rightly so, for there was nothing ordinary about each of the heroic subjects.

Subjects whose life stories, Isabel Thomas manages to condense into 62 pages of wonderful knowledge, intrigue, humour and meaning. Subjects whose lives I feel my children should share.

Frida Kahlo for example. A lady born in Mexico as its revolution unfolded, who endured great pain and hardship, but used her bold daring paintings to express her emotions and celebrate her identity. The original 'selfie' if you will. And Nelson Mandela, whose journey from political prisoner to president of South Africa is an incredible tale of triumph in the face of adversity.

Important lives of great people, told brilliantly and recorded in a fashion that children ages 7-11 can understand. Almost encyclopedic, with a glossary, timeline and index too.
A really wonderful collection!

Emma Oliver received the collection: Little Guides for Great Lives, in exchange for this review, ideas and comments my own

Acknowledgement + acceptance = recovery - A poem

To bridge the void that lay between dis-ease and wellness.

Two steps must be taken...

Steps that are key to recovery:

Acknowledgement and acceptance.

A detox diet will help with symptoms of Lyme & all disease

My lunch plan used to begin with the question ‘What do I feel like today?’ but since my Lyme Disease and co-infection diagnoses, I’ve had to think differently.

I now believe the most important part of my recovery is diet - detox is essential and certain foods will not only aid elimination, they'll also attack pathogens. Likewise certain foods will feed the machine that is disease. When I veer off the straight and narrow, boy do my symptoms flare up. I've just spent the last ten days recovering from eating, drinking and generally acting like I didn't have Lyme.

                

Keeping that in mind, today I created this delicious dish with sauerkraut for gut health, and salmon for omega, a dash of Himalayan salt for balancing blood sugar and ph, black pepper which aids digestion, extra virgin olive oil for its antioxidants, lemon for vitamin C + digestion, and apple cider vinegar (with the mother) for all manner of health properties - as well as flavour of course! I used a wholegrain spelt organic pasta as a base, cucumber for crunch and rocket to make it zing!

       

I’m not a doctor or a dietician, but I am suffering with Lyme Disease or rather the Borrelia Burgdorferi bacteria. This spirochete does not like certain foods; such as parsley which aids metal detox and celery, which is full of mineral salts and provides gut acid (something I’m lacking).                        

Educating myself on what to eat has been vital for getting better. I’ve learnt that as much as a little of what you fancy does you good, a little of what you wouldn’t usually have fancied, can do you better! 

💚

Two years ago today I had a full hysterectomy...

This photo never ceases to amaze me... 2 years ago today I had a full hysterectomy. My surgeon removed a 7lb fibroid that was the size of a football. Turns out it was actually very likely down to the lyme bacteria invading my uterus - which soon became known as the womb of doom. 

I suffered painful periods, heavy too. I'd go through a box of super plus in a day. The PMT was horrendous. Emotional twists and turns which I could never see coming included outbreaks of anxiety and depression. Small wonder when you consider by the time a fibroid (cyst) is this big it becomes a little being, having a hormonal production and vascular system of its own.

My gut and tummy were plagued with problems; mainly the bloating which could look like this... My 'baby' sat on my bladder and bowel affecting how I slept too. It was like a pregnancy in so many ways. Not surprisingly many assumed it was and answering the question of 'when was I due?' became far the most difficult association attached to how I looked and felt at the time. 

But what I want to shout about here is how at the time I had no idea this was in fact all symptomatic of chronic lyme disease (lyme when it is dormant goes into cyst form, hence I’ve since had 3 breast lumps removed in 6 months). Now that I have a lyme diagnosis and I have the sometimes warped benefit of hindsight, it’s time to spread awareness on just how lyme can manifest. 

Don’t take exhaustion, fatigue or chronic fatigue lying down - excuse the pun. Recognise that it is not any kind of normal for a young woman (I was 44 when I underwent this operation) to feel that sort of tired. That sort of hormonal. That sort of anxious. That sort of sad. That sort of bloated. No, it's not actually any kind of normal full stop.

#checkyourself

#health

#raisingawareness

#wellness

#wellbeing

#hysterectomy

#womensproblems

#female

#gynae

#notpregnantinthisphoto

#LymeDisease NOT #LymesDisease

Helping your Child Lead a Healthy life with Cerebral Palsy

Every Kid Healthy Week April 2018

- Helping your Child Lead a Healthy life with Cerebral Palsy

  

Cerebral Palsy (CP) is a term that encompasses several neurological disorders that permanently affect balance, muscle coordination, and movement. Typically contracted before birth, it affects every part of a child's ability to function and interact with others. Some infants display only mild forms of CP and are able to function fairly well, attend school and make friends among their peer age group. A cerebral palsy diagnosis can have a devastating effect on parents and siblings, including feelings of guilt over potential causes, and due to sibling frustration over the attention required by a child with CP.

For April and Every Kid Healthy Week, it’s important to discuss chronic life-long conditions like cerebral palsy. Developmental Disabilities like CP present serious challenges for parents and children. Understanding the condition helps embrace and navigate through some of the challenges associated with CP, and can also help parents of newborns take preventative measures against a cerebral palsy diagnosis. Please read on to understand more about life as it is with this condition...

Ayia Napa, Cyprus

It's not Greece and it's not Turkey. It's Cyprus. As large as Cornwall, with two airports bringing countless tourists from mainly the UK, Russia and Germany, to enjoy a handful of destinations mostly along the bottom two thirds of its aqua coloured coastline. We came to Ayia Napa, situated on the east coast, close to the border that splits north and south Cyprus.

I always imagined Ayia Napa to be a place for hipsters and clubbers all rolled into one; clubsters, but that must be a myth? I never saw an inch of nightlife, instead finding families with small babies, enjoying the easiness of the resort and its 'no problem' attitude.

I certainly left my worries behind. I think they may have been dropped on the floor at home somewhere around the time I was emptying the bins, bleaching the bogs, or hoovering - what is it about leaving a clean home?

If you took a holiday🎵🎵...

...took some time to celebrate, just one day out of life, it’d be, it’d be so nice.

Not one day though, we’ve got away for one entire week. How lovely. A trip that isn’t courtesy of any PR but courtesy of my husband, who works his backside off for us. A  much needed break in the Cypriot warmth together, giving a boost to all. I’ve a sneaky suspicion I might find that wellness I’m in pursuit of here too... wrapped up in the rest and relaxation which only the spring sunshine can bring. (And a charming house with a pool?) The children have swum all morning and I’ve started a new book: Jakob’s Colours by Lindsay Hawdon. Who knows? My Lyme might even allow me to concentrate long enough to read some of it?

Info re Lyme Disease & Tick bites (How & where did I get bitten?)

Photo courtesy of California Dept of Public Health 

Ticks are small arachnids, part of the order Parasitiformes. Along with mites, they constitute the subclass Acari. Ticks are ectoparasites (external parasites), living by feeding on the blood of mammals, birds, and sometimes reptiles and amphibians  ~Wikipedia

And there you have it. Turns out it wasn't post natal depression in the truest sense of the words. It was a teeny little ectoparasite messing with me. For anxiety and depression are a part of Lyme. Wish I'd known that at the time. Life wouldn't have been quite so confusing.

When I think back, I realise there is a very real possibility I was bitten by a tick 25 years ago in Connecticut - the state where Lyme disease was originally recognised in 1975, and the very place it was named after: Lyme and its neighbouring town, Old Lyme.

And if Lyme Disease manifested in CT, then perhaps mine did too, for I lived in this beautiful wooded New England state for a year, working as Nanny, with three acres of garden in which the deer would roam? I would play right there with my three young charges. And of course there's every eventuality that I may have been bitten by a deer nymph tick/s then. So small, I would never have known. They're the size of a poppy seed. Yes, that's right: A poppy seed.

About that poem...

Fortunately that poem about suicide is no longer my now. It is but a memory. A memory of a time that was a dark and hellish place. A time I saw inside and out. A time that I learnt from, grew from, took strength from. A time that has led to so much more. A time that now means I am able to shine a light. For there was light to be found. Lots of it.

Lyme Disease, a poem about suicide: THE HERE & THE HEREAFTER

Lyme Disease - A poem about suicide

When I wrote this poem, clearly I was in a very bad place. I wanted to top myself. Don't get me wrong, I never would have gone through with it, but the idea appealed to me. A way out. No one knew how I felt, which now that I'm out of that hellish depression, strikes me as horrendous. But then, I was so busy being strong, I fooled everyone.

I'm guessing the main point people do go through with it, is down to feeling isolated, unable to share, pathetic, worried about being a social outcast? Perhaps pressured, even conditioned to believe that surely they ought to be able to cope?

I wrote this poem five years ago. But it has never been more relevant to me than it is now, just after a Lyme Disease diagnosis, and the fact that it describes many of the debilitating symptoms of Late/Chronic Lyme Disease to a tee.

For all who suffer with Lyme, the diagnosed and the undiagnosed, and indeed for all who suffer any chronic illness and dream of an alternative. This poem is for you.

Understanding Chronic Lyme Disease

For me, it makes sense to find out I have Lyme Disease. You see, there have been so many pieces of puzzle... and they finally fit together. I was diagnosed yesterday. I started on the path of connecting the dots in Nov 2015. But my body has been fighting it for years longer than that. Fighting mostly on the quiet. Feeling terrible but masking it well. 2018 now and a myriad of health issues later, I feel the need to remove the mask. To say I feel shite most days and horrendous many. I suppose being diagnosed with this silent disease of epidemic proportion, brings a form of relief as well as understanding. I'm finally able to start living the rest of my Life As It Is.

Those health issues, in the last 18 months alone, include a hysterectomy, three breast lumps - all drained (the parasite lives in cyst form), continual bloating, nausea, ocular shingles...

Chronic Lyme Disease - A diagnosis

Today I received a diagnosis of late Lyme Disease.

I'm feeling relieved.

Picturing Life As It Is

Back to it officially - feeling quite cheery about it too. Lovely office flowers courtesy of yellow sticker reductions - 70p - love a bargain! Happy New Year one and all. Let's make it a good one!

The LIFE AS IT IS Blog - six years on

Somewhat surprisingly, I began LIFE AS IT IS six years ago this year, and babies have long since grown into little girls. Over that time, the blog has documented the many ups and downs. The ups have been plenty. And the downs, well they've certainly given me much to write about, including many posts on allergies and hives, screaming, hospital visits, postnatal depression and more recently my personal battle of getting a Lyme Disease diagnosis. But whatever is happening at the time and whatever I write about, throughout it all, our little family has remained steadfast and secure. Living and loving our life as it is. And rather wonderfully, throughout it all, my stats tell me that you've continued to visit and read my ramblings. So I just wanted to thank you for continuing to do that. I really do love that six years on you still stop by to share!

The real Father Christmas? Lapland UK leaves you all in no doubt

THE REAL FATHER CHRISTMAS?
Lapland^UK will leave you all in no doubt.

It’s that time of year again - synonymous with visits to (or from) Father Christmas. He just managed a turn at our Infant School Christmas fair would you believe? A busy man, right now he can be found in department stores up and down the country, garden centre grottos here and there, and sometimes even riding through dusky town streets on his sleigh. Wherever it is that children see him though, there’s often a question that follows, “But he’s not the real one, is he?”

There is one place however where that question is never asked. Never even thought of. And right now, some very lucky families will be excitedly packing bags, boarding flights and heading on the long journey north to Roviemi, Finnish Lapland, to visit Father Christmas at his official home on the Arctic Circle; the snowy white wonderland that it is.

We went two years ago, with our two daughters, then aged four and seven, and as you’d imagine, it was a fairytale adventure from start to end. For Lapland cannot fail. Which to be honest, was part of the reason why I was totally apprehensive about visiting another Lapland with them recently - not quite as far north this one, indeed it was just up the motorway. But really, how on earth was Lapland^UK ever possibly going to compare?

FRAMED - Skates on

Look out folks, it's that crazy time of year again!