And
then there was a journey home one evening from my job on the mag. As I went underground at Piccadilly, a choir of school children angelically sang out Christmas carols to the
hundreds of commuters passing each minute. I stood with the whirlwind of
commotion rushing by. Oblivious to it all. Just aware of the beautiful
sound these angels were creating. 5.45pm on a Tuesday night at the tube and I
was transfixed with tears streaming down my face. I got home that night and
said to Simon again: ‘I’m definitely pregnant.’
‘Do
a test and we’ll see,’ he said still unconvinced.
WHY
WOULD WE BE?
It
was one night. That was all it had been. One night without contraception. One
drunken night where we were too lustful to even be remotely concerned about
getting pregnant.
Anyway,
when we did start to try for a baby, surely it would take at least a year to
fall? With my track record of gynae problems I knew it wouldn’t happen
instantly.
The
test was negative. The cross in the window never materialised. Simon shrugged
and I was baffled. ‘But I’m pregnant. I know I am. This is wrong.’
It
had only been two weeks since my period. I must have been days – hours pregnant
but instinctively I knew.
I
repeated the test two weeks later – the day I was due on. It felt kind of
weird. I didn’t know how I felt in all honesty.
A
huge part of me was aware that my life was only just settled. My career
prospects were great. Our home was wonderful and the two of us had so much fun.
I wanted at least another year of what we had. On the other hand, perhaps a very tiny
part of me would somehow be disappointed if the cross in the window did not
materialise.
I
woke early. It was a Saturday. I peed on the stick. Again. This time I left it
on the side of the bath and went down to make a cup of tea. I couldn’t look. I
asked Simon to. I stood at the foot of the stairs staring up at him at the top.
‘Well?’
He
nodded and grinned. ‘Fliippin
heck. You’re pregnant.’
DISBELIEF
We
met somewhere on the stairs and hugged. I had to keep looking at the little
cross that was actually there this time.
I
kept that stick for weeks and continued to look at it to remind myself it was
real. In the end for health reasons I had to throw it in the bin.
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