Thursday, 24 January 2013


So we were driving back from the magic man when I saw the time and realised Fia must be starving. 'I know' thinks I, 'I can pop in to the supermarket and give her a bite to eat as well as pick up a few things needed for dinner tonight.' We had friends coming for food.

I'd got round the shop super fast and was inwardly gloating over the fact that I planned on never returning to this particular store again as they always screw something up- like the time they lost an entire £100 buffet for the kids christening party I'd ordered, or the time the meat was off. Plus the fruit is ripe one day, rotten the next. In short, this shop just does not do it for me. To verify this I thought, hell I can pay with my points, use up the card. Where is that card?

Sadly it was at that moment that I sealed poor Sofia Faith's fate for I took my eyes off her. You see, Fia is a child who cannot be left to her own devices for a moment. And as I sought through the cards in my purse, someone not too far away shouted out desperately.

I turned just in time to see her flip. She landed flat on her back. Her head bounced as it cracked down on the tile floor. As I write this, the crack is on repeat in my own head. I still feel a little sick at the thought too. It was awful. The entire contents of my purse were strewn all over the checkout as I dropped all and fled to Fia. 

I looked at her first. She was so shocked her breath was a while in coming. When she allowed herself the exhale, the scream was so loud it was curdling. Of course, there was a huge silence too which didn't help. Everyone had stopped what they were doing and watched her somersault off the side of the trolley. That is actually quite a long way down when you are only two feet tall. Strange, I could tell that everyone felt as helpless as me. Except, I felt useless too. Carefully I picked her up and held her in.

Meaning well, a few members of the public approached, stating the obvious: 'She's really banged her head.' I couldn't talk. I wanted the whole shop to empty out. I felt so responsible and such a shit mother at that moment - not for the first time nor the last - no doubt. I sat down with her on my lap. I could taste my own bile. Fia continued to scream. First aiders had been called; 'Jerry' came with two bags of ice. I asked him to go to the baby aisle and get me a dummy. My voice was shaky, 'Of course I'll pay'. 

He was back soon. Fia kept looking at me as if to say, 'how could you let that happen to me?' The dummy went in and did the job it is employed to do. It pacified her. Still her whimpers emanated around it. Her eyes bloodshot. Her pallor funny. 

For five minutes now I had not been able to look at the back of her head, too afraid of what I may see. Eventually I managed to peek, encouraged gently by Jerry. Anguish. I set eyes on a dark red patch. Initial panic gave way to realisation then relief that what I saw was her coat and nothing more. But surely there must be a large bump. Nothing. She sucked her dummy, and when she didn't suck, she shook.

Suddenly a tall woman approached. Looming, she looked like she was going to fall. Breathless she stated, "I need to sit down. I'm going to faint." One of the ice bags had burst and shattered ice scattered over the seat. It was cleared in time for her to slump heavily next to us. Jerry smiled, 'Two for one on first aid today.' It was funny - but I could barely acknowledge it.

I held Sofia for ages. Long enough for the bag of ice that had remained intact to have melted all over my crotch. I stood up with a dark patch all over my Venus. Fabulous. In all the trauma, me, this failed mother, also now managed to look like I had wet myself. As a tear escaped, I laughed out loud. It sounded ever so slightly hysterical. 

I managed to get Sofia Faith to the car. 
She slept immediately. 
I drove straight to minor injuries.

For the record, they very kindly never charged me for the dummy. I still plan on never returning to this particular store.

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