Monday, 20 May 2013

Nanny notes (Delano Hotel, Miami) & that pool

Sorry that the image surpasses the text box on the right, but frankly, I didn't want to shrink it. Let's get this into perspective. This is a pool that surpasses. This is a pool that is - to use Ian Schrager's word - visceral. This is a pool belonging to one of the finest hotel's in the world. 

The following snippet of a nanny note begins with my charge scoffing, and myself contemplating (in my finest Brooklyn), 'Oh my God. How much a cup of coffee cost?' 

Freddie who was not quite two ate his way through a large lunch consisting mainly of chips, and, as a last minute ditch attempt to throw in all of his five a day, half a pound of grapes - his mother had insisted.

Food over, Freddie wanted to run. But that can't happen in a place like the Delano, (which may explain why there weren't any other kids there). Before long, he began balling. It escalated quickly. 

Sudden stops, stares and shhh's all applied pressure to Freddie's rock 'n' roll mum on the table behind us. Now awkward and agitated, I sensed she wanted shot of her little boy.  

Our conversation went along the lines of:
Mother: 'Let him swim.' 
Nanny: 'He has not long eaten his dinner.' 
Mother: 'Let him swim.' 
Nanny: 'Surely a walk would be better?' 
Mother: (with gritted teeth) 'Let him swim.' 
Nanny: 'Shall we let him swim then?'

The beautiful people by the beautiful pool on that beautiful day, all looked like part of a film set or fashion shoot. Gucci and Chanel lined the waters edge and draped the sunbeds. 

They never actually dipped their pedicured toes. Ooh-la-la, no no no. They were there to swoon not swim. I wasn't sure how a nearly-two-year old would be received?

Freddie was excited. Repeated squeals of delight accompanied his repeated jumping in off the side. To my relief the beautiful people didn't appear to be bothered by the intrusion, in fact they seemed to rather enjoy the scene, sitting up to get a better look, smiling down at us. 

Perhaps a little boy having fun brought a much needed break to the hardships such beautiful people have to endure: looking beautiful all the time must be a complete chore? And after all, Freddie was really rather adorable. It was sweet. For a moment at least.

It all changed when Freddie lost the entire contents of his stomach into the water. The water of that pool. All around us, ahhh's turned to ugghhh's; shock and horror clearly audible. 

The bewildered boy and I quickly left behind the pool of puke and its countless grapes bobbing up and down, passing a whole lot of suddenly vacated sunbeds. 

I'm guessing the experience doesn't get more visceral than that now, does it?! 

PICTURE CREDIT: Morgan Group Hotels


All At Sea said...

Oh dear - but that did make me smile! I am sure 'child splashing in water' had the beautiful people a little uneasy already, but puke? In the pool?! Little Freddie broke every rule of beauty there... ;-) x

Emma Oliver said...

A little uneasy for sure - smiling down at us indeed. Down there noses! Imagine all those rules. Life wouldn't be that fun at all would it? And the moral of this story? Always follow your gut instinct (pun - sorry), and clearly, in this case, nanny definitely knew best! If only his mum had been around the pool at that time to witness the frothy mess. Yuk! x

Actually Mummy... said...

Oh dear! How embarrassing! I would have been mortified - poor boy :(

Emma Oliver said...

I was mortified, but equally bemused! Thank you for commenting. What a super idea for a blog hop - everyone needs a weekly dose of humour, and Wot So Funnee! is a lovely way to get it. Cheers!

Sara Murray said...

Oh, I shouldn't laugh, but that did make me chuckle! I'd have been mortified, but at least your gut instinct was indeed correct - small, excited child, full tummy, jumping - a recipe for disaster :)

Emma Oliver said...

Glad it brought a smile to your day Sara!