Friday, 3 May 2013

Even more down to earth with a bump (6)


Continuing my record of Sofia Faith's pregnancy

WEEK SIXTEEN 
Simon and I saw the midwife half way through the week and it was just wonderful to hear the wee ones heartbeat. I find hearing the heartbeat far more emotional than seeing the scan. Anyway, as you can imagine, we were so relieved. And finally, we actually began to relax. 

Simon was so excited. He sent me a text from work after the scan exclaiming, ‘We are having a baby!’ - emphasis on 'are' - you see, after all the disappointment, we had not let ourselves as a couple acknowledge it was all going to be okay. To us, this precise moment was pure joy, finally admitting to each other that the reality was, we were having another baby, and everything was fine. 

Only hours later, I sat crying on the bathroom floor. 

I'd found a small amount of blood in my underwear. I wiped my eyes and decided to ignore it. After all, I'd been there before and knew there was not a lot they could do about it if I was losing this baby too.

The next morning, there was more blood and no matter how much I wanted to, I could not pretend it wasn't there any longer. In the back of my mind, I knew it was useless. On autopilot, I resigned myself at that point to another round of heartache. I remained oddly calm and took myself to the doctors... 

...where they couldn’t find a heartbeat. It was definitely not looking likely now. But it didn’t make any sense, they had found it so quickly only two days before. We'd heard it. My own heart beat twice as fast and twice as loud, as I contemplated the silence of the baby, the doctor, and the sterile room.

Calm kicked in more so. I had to go to hospital and wasn’t allowed to drive, but a friend offered to drop me. She got cross waiting at home with me as I took my time, finishing an important document for work before surrendering to her passenger seat and the onslaught I was afraid would follow. From this point on I was a passenger in someone else's day. Watching on helpless. Calm to the point of serene.

At hospital, Simon was already waiting. He met me outside. "Here we go again," was all he said. We held hands. Firmly. And walked through the sliding doors.

We were soon greeted by a midwife. Matter of factly she said, ‘You know if it is a miscarriage, there is nothing we can do about it.’ Through silent tears I asked, ‘Would I be able to have an operation this time?' 

I was told to wait and see what the scan would bring. 

Fortunately, amazingly, it brought a bouncing bean and a low placenta. The placenta was in front of our baby and this had made it difficult for the doctor to pick up a heartbeat. It may have also explained the bleed, but probably not. Not at 16 weeks anyway. So mine was simply a warning sign. Slow down. I would definitely try. HA! Easier said than done with a two and a half year old.


FOOTNOTE: Pregnant women can sometimes bleed due to a low lying placenta. This condition is called 'placenta praevia’ and may occur from 24 weeks of pregnancy.




11 comments:

Jess said...

Wow!That made me have ups and downs reading it!You 'are' having a baby though,what brilliant news!Keep safe and well xxxxxxx
#pocolo

Emma Oliver said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emma Oliver said...

Ah Jess, thanks for taking a peek at this post. I have to point out that this pregnancy was in fact through 2011 and that the baby is now my mischievous fairy 20 month old Fia.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I can write this diary now with ease, taken from the few notes I kept back then. To have written it in full at the time, would have been too painful a worry, always waiting for it to go wrong.

I'm delighted to say, although I went on to bleed a few more times throughout the nine months, she arrived safe and well in the end. Has not stopped being a little bleeder since mind you!!!

Have a lovely weekend, and thanks for the comment and positive vibe! x

Lous Lake Views said...

What an emotional post and I'm so glad that it was written after a successful pregnancy. I also had a 'here we go again' moment in similar circumstances and was also relieved to find that everything was fine, phew! You are very brave for sharing such a sensitive issue

Jaime Oliver said...

I so read your post through jaw, not wanting to cry, we had several of these episodes with Joshua and in fact lost a twin early on, we were told on 5 occasions we had lost him and then i developed a cyst which risked me and him.

I am sure now all its behind you and everything will be fine honey, keep strong x

Emma Oliver said...

Ah Jaime, thanks for taking a peek at this post. I have to point out that this pregnancy was in fact through 2011 and that the baby is now my mischievous fairy 20 month old Fia.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I can write this diary now with ease, taken from the few notes I kept back then. To have written it in full at the time, would have been too painful a worry, always waiting for it to go wrong.

I'm delighted to say, although I went on to bleed a few more times throughout the nine months, she arrived safe and well in the end. Has not stopped being a little bleeder since mind you!!!

That must have been so hard for you losing a twin and then having the worry of losing the other due to a cyst. Not to mention the risk for you as well. What we go through to get our little ones in the end huh?! Bless the babies that never made it...

Have a lovely weekend, and thanks for the comment and positive vibe! x

Emma Oliver said...

The fact that you write you had a here we go again moment, means that you also went through heartache at some point. It would be easy to give up on hope in these circumstances and not try anymore, but I'm pleased to hear that all was fine for you too. Are you still pregnant or has babe arrived? PS Not brave really... I consider it good therapy!

Livi TeePot said...

Oh that must have been so terrifying for you *hugs* I really hope everything goes well.

Emma Oliver said...

All went great, she's now the 20month old mischievous fairy I write about who ends up in more scrapes than that! It was terrifying though, and thank you for commenting Livi.

Tori Wel said...

What a lovely idea - to write back on your pregnancy and so good that you took notes at the time. This must have been a really scary point. I remember a slight bleed with Grace at the beginning and it really is a heart-stopping moment wondering if everything is still OK. I hope to read more of your diary and thanks for linking to PoCoLo xxx

Emma Oliver said...

Lovely thanks Vicky. Be nice to share it with you and PoCoLo! x