Saturday, 20 October 2012

Down to earth with a bump (31) - All tissued out

This was the term given to when the cannula had run its course and needed to be replaced. It was also a term I came to dread. Esme had had them everywhere on her body, lasting a couple of days max, eventually all had tissued out. As I carried her towards the SCBU, I was aware that the next cannula was to be inserted in the top of her head. I walked slowly. Tears fell fast.

I had left the clear perspex cot on wheels behind this time. I wanted to hold my baby close. Matron soon put pay to that. I was stopped short in my tracks. “Where’s the cot Emma? You know Esme should always be transported in the cot to the SCBU.” I pulled my baby in tighter to me, “But I wanted to hold her this time.” She could see I was in bits and led me to a side room. Someone collected Esme as I collected myself. The Matron helped enormously; placating, reassuring, soothing.

Very quickly after, a consultant appeared. He came in the room quietly. He had a kind face and smiled with his eyes. Bald as a coot mind. I later found out he was a father of five. So it’s true then: the follically challenged are fertile men.

God he was attractive, not in a catalogue way. Perhaps it was simply a case of – I’m not sure what it is called actually, but I can liken it to Stockholm Syndrome, where the captured falls in love with the captor, a psychological phenomenon, a traumatic bonding.

Anyway, here was a man who saved Esme from having to have a cannula inserted in her head. Here was a man who thought that ten days of intravenous antibiotics were enough. Here was a man willing to override his peers’ prescription of 14 days. Here was a man that was the most human example of a doctor I’ve ever met.

I was drawn to him that very moment. And then when he discharged us later that same day, I knew I’d fallen completely.

After being discharged we took Esme to see her consultant regularly for a couple of years. I wonder if Simon noticed my skirts getting shorter in length every visit? I know the doctor never did. Shame! 

Note from author: Irrational thoughts are most definitely allowed as blog content…