Thursday, 25 October 2012

The screaming (1) - An inconsolable baby IS in pain

Esme was a delicate flower. And even a wizard cranial osteopath couldn't help when it came to her tummy. 

By now she'd had gastrointeritis which had led to rotovirus, which her consultant explained to me had left her stomach lining in shreds. Proof of this was the green diarrohea she passed for the first six months of her life. To make matters worse, she was lactose intolerant and allergic to dairy as well. 

From around the three month mark Esme stopped gaining weight, my feeding her was failing, even with my being on a dairy free diet, and it was then that she was put on to a prescription hypo-allergenic formula. In all, she didn't tolerate dairy for eighteen months. And in the meantime, the symptoms were severe colic and reflux. But silent reflux with no vomitting, where the pain just sits and burns within.

The first four months of her life, she cried every day for almost all the time. I would try to feed her and she would arch her back in agony. She was inconsolable. She wouldn't take a dummy. She was uncomfortable being held. She never napped. She just screamed. 

In the end, so did I. 

I remember the day I finally broke down, yelling while pacing, 'I never signed up for this. I don't want this. I can't do this any longer.' 

Bizarrely, that same day, her crying ceased.